Listen to the conversations around you — colleagues at the office, customers in the coffeehouse line, those who serve you, those you serve, the people you meet each day. “Give me a tall latte.” “Hand me that hammer.” “Have a good one.”

Notice anything missing? The traditional magic words “please” and “thank you” that many people learn as children appear to be disappearing.

Lisa Gache, co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners in Los Angeles, has noticed the gradual vanishing of courteous language. She blames the casualty on the casual. “The slow erosion of the ‘magic words’ in our everyday vernacular,” says Gache, who coaches people to be more civil, “has to do with the predilection toward all things casual in our society today. Casual conversation, casual dress and casual behavior have hijacked practically all areas of life, and I do not think it is doing anyone a service.”

Other polite phrases also seem to be falling by the wayside. “You’re welcome,” for instance. Say “thank you” to someone these days, and instead of hearing “you’re welcome,” you’re more liable to hear: “Sure.” “No problem.” “You bet.” “Enjoy.” Or a long list of replies that replace the traditional “you’re welcome.”

Instead of saying “thank you,” people say “got it.” Or “have a good one.” Or, more often, nothing at all. And in lieu of saying “no, thank you,” reactions such as “I’m good” are increasingly common.

“The responses ‘have a good one,’ ‘I’m good’ or ‘you bet,’ do not carry the same sentiment or convey the same conviction as when we are sincerely expressing our gratitude or thanks,” Gache says. “They feel less invested, almost as if they are painful to utter under our breath.”

Please excuse us for asking the questions: Are we just finding new ways to say old, polite phrases? Are good manners merely morphing? Or are they fading away altogether?

Becoming More Rude

“Simple things that we took for granted as children no longer seem to count,” says Gregory E. Smith, a psychiatrist and blogger in Augusta, Ga. Smith says he has noticed a tectonic shift during his 25 years of practicing medicine. “Saying please and thank you, asking permission, offering unsolicited help, and following up on solutions to problems are no longer as important.”

He also has observed a drastic change in everyday transactions. “Go through any drive-through at a fast-food restaurant in America. Go through any checkout line in a grocery store. Stand in line at a convenience store. If you are very lucky, the person waiting on you will make eye contact. Maybe they will speak. More likely, they will hand you your drink and bag while looking back over their shoulder, never even acknowledging your personhood much less your status as a customer.”

Our experience has only been stellar with Chick-Fil-A and most times with Starbucks in this regard.  They typically use proper grammar and are always very pleasant at their drive-thrus.  Interestingly enough; this same Fast Food experience was the impetus for us to start our business!  While standing in line at a a Subway, the young man in front of me nary spoke a word; grunting was all he could seem to muster.  Skate board under arm there were no ‘pleases’, ‘yes’s’ or thank  you’s.  It was appalling and was quite clear he was almost college aged.  I shuddered and made the decision then and there to start Mrs. Hancock’s. …. whether behind the counter or in front of the counter; this just would not do.

The checkout person “will check you out,” Smith says, “all the while being ‘checked out’ emotionally from the situation. Worst of all, as I experienced in an airport in the last couple of years, a kiosk worker will blandly bag your item, swipe your debit card, hand you your receipt, all while having a conversation on her cellphone. Amazing. Outrageous.”

Research backs up Smith’s anecdotal observations. In 2011, some 76 percent of people surveyed by Rasmussen Reports said Americans are becoming more rude and less civil.

Margaret Lacey, on the other hand, finds that many people are quite well-mannered in her everyday life. A sophomore at the College of Charleston — in the South Carolina city that is often cited as one of the most courteous in the country — Lacey notes that people can be polite without trotting out the traditional niceties.

She describes a typically routine encounter: “At the grocery store cafe down the street, I go get a coffee every morning,” Lacey says. “This morning I walked in and they said, ‘Good morning, will you have the usual?’ I smiled and said, ‘Yes, please.’ They asked me how my morning had been while making my coffee. On the way out the door they said, ‘Enjoy. See you tomorrow.’ ”

She doesn’t expect people to utter the same old same olds.

Timeless Principles, Changing Manners

Neither does etiquette maven Cindy Post Senning, a director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt. The institute, dedicated to promoting etiquette and civility, was established more than 60 years ago by Emily Post, who wrote a landmark book on manners, Etiquette, in 1922.

To Senning — who is Emily Post’s great-granddaughter — etiquette and courtesy encompass two interrelated and essential components: principles and manners. “The principles of respect, consideration and honesty are universal and timeless,” she says. But “manners change over time and from culture to culture.”

To strengthen relationships, she says, “we need to articulate these principles in all our interactions. It is respectful to make requests rather than demands, to show gratitude and appreciation, to greet others, to give our complete attention, to acknowledge appreciation shown, to acknowledge and show respect for age, standing, importance.”

However, when it comes to the actual articulation, she says, “the words we use do change.”

For example, Senning says, it is important to show respect for other people by greeting them when you first see them — in the hallway, at a meeting, on the street. The form of greeting, though, has morphed over time.

“How do you do?” became “Hello, how are you?” which eventually changed into “Hello, how are things?” Or “How’s it going?”

As a result of the metamorphosis, Senning says, “today it would sound a little stilted and perhaps even disrespectful if a sarcastic tone is used to say ‘How do you do?’ ”

And what about other popular substitutions, such as “no problem” for “you’re welcome”?

Senning says she prefers the latter, “but if the appreciation is expressed in a genuine manner, I do not see its use as a loss of courtesy.”

She agrees with Smith, the psychiatrist, and many others that the phrase “you’re welcome” has long been the commonly accepted courteous response. But she also acknowledges that the norms — and the manners and the mores — may change.

“What won’t change,” she adds, “is the importance of acknowledging appreciation expressed.” [Copyright 2012 National Public Radio]

VEILS

Length and Style. Not surprisingly, veils run the gamut of lengths. Though not written in stone, certain veils seem to match certain gowns. A very formal wedding gown, with a chapel or cathedral length train, easily carries a full-length veil, extending one foot past the train. A standard length veil, to the elbow or fingertip, complements every silhouette. According to Fabi Oshaneh, bridal department manager at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills, “The main thing is that veils are not poufy. Like headpieces, they are less dense, more sophisticated.” She notes that the short veil, which ends at the upper arm, is the most popular with her brides.
Blushers. You’ve heard of “the blushing bride,” but does every bride need a blusher? Not necessarily. However, even when the ceremony doesn’t require one — and many do — most brides still wear a blusher, which is lifted at a certain point in the service. It’s your decision. Just remember, wearing a bridal veil is one thing you can never do again.
Decorative Veils. Decorative veils are a great way to go, especially if your dress is simple. “Edged veils are the number one item,” remarked Pattie Winkler, manager of Suky Rosan, the prestigious bridal shop in suburban Philadelphia. “This is a gorgeous, sophisticated look. We edge the veil in the fabric of the dress or 1/8- to 1/4-inch silk ribbon. For another fabulous, very dressy style, we edge the veil in crystals, creating a shimmering effect as the bride walks down the aisle.” It’s almost like diamonds.
Also timeless: Droplets or appliqués. Like edging, pearl, crystal or rhinestone drops sprinkled throughout your veil add a touch of shimmer as you walk down the aisle.
Designer Veils. Not comfortable with all that glitters? Not to worry. Bridal gown designer and fashion guru Vera Wang is featuring a simple square-cut veil that sits on a comb atop the bridal mane. “No poufs, no flowers, no beads, just one veil which covers the face. It’s Indian in inspiration,” said Wang spokesperson Laura O’Brien. “It engulfs the bride in tulle. It makes it very special and very visual.” And with the bride shrouded in such a way, “It certainly makes for a more mysterious ceremony.”
The Mantilla. Another look in the limelight is the mantilla — a Spanish-inspired veil edged with lace that will forever remind us of Grace Kelly. When model Annette Roque wore one at her wedding to Matt Lauer of NBC’s “Today” show, brides and the headpiece industry turned heads. “We got phone calls from brides all around the country,” said designer Newman. Giorgio Armani bridal wear has also featured the mantilla look.

HEADPIECES

Tiaras. Call it the Princess Bride look. Tiaras still reign as the hottest trend in bridal headwear. But this is not your typical bejeweled and bulky crown. The bridal tiara of the moment is a mere wisp of a thing, tastefully beaded, delightfully airy and simply elegant. Leading bridal headpiece designers agree that when it comes to tiaras, small and subtle says now.

Jeweled Headpieces. Want more sparkle? Many headpiece designers are working with crystals, rhinestones and shiny metals. In fact, the most recent trend in sparkle gives new meaning to the phrase “something blue.” Top designers are now adding tiny colored jewels such as sapphires and amethysts to their pieces.
Jeweled Hair. Trend setting headpiece designer Nelson D’Leon of New York City has taken the hair-jewelry concept one step further by scattering hairpins throughout a bride’s coif. He describes dreamy sparkling metal orchids sprinkled through a bride’s upswept do. The veil attaches on a separate comb at the back of the head.
Designers agree on one thing: Don’t let trends dictate your veil or headpiece. “Everyone has a vision of what they are going to look like on their wedding day,” said O’Brien of Vera Wang. “There are no hard and fast rules in fashion. Rules are made to be broken.” After all, every bride is a princess, no matter what crowns her head.

Melinda Wagner is an Event Planner and Coordinator with Mrs. Hancock’s, Inc.  A professional organizer; who better to help with your wedding?  Give us a call at 602.234.1200 or call Melinda directly at 480.620.6470.  She’s happy to be of service.

A little background:  R.s.v.p. comes from the French, “Repondez, s’il vous plait,” which means “Respond, please.”  But, you knew that.  When did so many of us decide to stop using it?  When did we decide that it doesn’t matter whether we respond??  Again, I don’t know.  What I do know is that many of you have a). Stopped having parties because invitees have gotten so lazy in their lack of a response!  Is it that we all have so much to do these days that we’re always waiting to see if a better invitation comes along?   Or, is it that we’re so dog-tired at the end of most weeks, that it seems we’d rather just snuggle on the couch?  Which, I’m not sure.  What I am sure of is that many of you are b). Mad about the whole thing!  Really!  It’s something we hear over and over again at Mrs. Hancock’s.  “Oh, you’re going to teach them about R.s.v.p.’s?  OH GOOD!”

So, please, if you get an invitation to a get-together of some sort, do the right thing.  In a timely fashion please respond to your hostess that you’ll be in attendance and, with how many or, that you’re sending your regrets.  (Now in unison, let’s everyone push our ‘easy button’.  See?  “That was easy”)!  We all need to remember that throwing a party can be an expensive proposition and a lot of work, so please be considerate.  Your attendance or lack thereof, decides how many bottles of wine, how much food and whether or not they’ll need to hire a valet, perhaps.  And, if you do R.s.v.p. in the affirmative, you must attend (unless you or your child has the flu or some other catastrophe strikes—then please call the day after the event and, no.  You may not send an e-mail!  They need to hear from you in person as to why you weren’t in attendance).

Consider, too that your little ones are watching and learning.  So if you know you have a party to go to Saturday night and you and Honey decide at 5pm you’d rather stay in and watch movies after a rather long discussion about how ‘they’ll never miss us’, ‘it’s not that important’; know the Kids are listening and learning from that discussion.  The next time Sarah Jane invites your little Carrie to her Birthday party and it’s 3pm and she’s decided she would rather head to Lena’s for a sleep-over, well that’s not okay either and please explain to Carrie, why.

Get an invitation; respond to an invitation.  Make a promise; keep a promise.  There.  “That was easy!”  Your new party dress is calling…and don’t you look fabulous in it?!

How do you organize the guest list? Often this is a question that couples wrestle with, due to obligation, family pressure and budgets. The following quick tips offer some insight into the topic. These are the very kind of things we at Mrs Hancock’s deal with everyday when we work with our clients. We have the know the right approach to handle the many challenges couples face when planning a wedding, let us work with you make sure your day is stress free insuring you and your families are “present” and remember every moment.

According to the website www.theweddingreport.com the average number of guests nationwide is 166. The guest list can be a real issue for couples who do not want to offend or go into debt due to expectations of others.

There is always the destination wedding, and a party upon return to help with costs. Love this one! BUT if that is not an option, some tips…

It is no longer the responsibility of the bride’s family to pay for out-of-town’ guests travel and lodging. Times have changed, and they pay for their own.

Cut guests you have outgrown, invite out of intent, people who are in your life today and limit the ones who have drifted.

Cut “work” friends you don’t socialize with outside of the office; They will understand more than you know.

Ultimately, remember people make the wedding memorable, invite those who matter most and will be in your life going forward.

Whether at home, at a restaurant or in a hotel ballroom, this style of engagement party is generally a formal dress-up affair with a great catered meal and a fairly large guest list. Faith often comes into the event with a blessing before dinner, and favors are elegant and expensive—think silver serving spoons, marble coasters and leather photo flip books.

“It’s very much a mini-wedding,” wedding expert and author Sharon Naylor.

But while a traditional engagement party always includes certain specific elements, there’s nothing typical about this type of affair. Bride and groom easily can personalize their party with distinctive décor, exceptional entertainment and matchless menu options. Before you start planning, consider choosing a theme based on a favorite book or stylish period in history, like the 1920s or 1940s. Think about hiring a professional wedding coordinator to help out, too.

“Now we’re seeing more wedding coordinators hired to transform a room into a new design,” Naylor said. “It may include great table linens and chair covers, dramatic floral centerpieces at each table and lighting effects. Decorations have come a long way from the crepe-paper-and-balloons motif that we’ve seen in past decades.”

When planning your meal, remember most of your guests likely will be family. Gathering to celebrate is nothing new to this crowd, so make sure your special event features different dining options.

Naylor recommends checking in with relatives before finalizing the menu: What was served at the most recent family events? Lots of lemon chicken and the usual sausage and peppers? Opt for something completely out of the ordinary, like French fare. You also could make your timing unique; if most family affairs are dinners that take place in the evening, you could host a brunch or a high tea instead.

Add in some exceptional entertainment, and your traditional engagement party is sure to stand out as a special event. If you want to do it yourself, create your own iPod or MP3 playlist for the day. Or you could hire a harpist, pianist or jazz band—or mix it up a bit.

“For the dinner portion of the evening, you can have a jazz singer with the pianist who can sing old standards,” Sasha Souza, a California-based event planner, said. “A strolling violinist could also work the room.”

Did you have an engagement party?  How large was it, did you have it at home or at a restaurant?   SHARE!

Melinda Wagner is a Wedding and Event Planner with Mrs. Hancock’s.  Allow her to be of service on your very special day or for your important event!

Brides who choose a Day-of Package are often women who need little guidance along the way.  Our Day-Of Wedding Package means the Bride is responsible for doing the majority of her own planning.  But please remember, in order for your planner to do her job – and do it well – she will need to know every detail you have planned.  No detail is too small!  After all, it’s all about the details, right?

So, if you decide to have a cigar or espresso bar at the last minute, your planner needs to know.  If you want to include a wine ceremony with your vows or want to surprise your family with a special soloist singing at the ceremony, the planner needs to know that, too!  A good planner will be asking MANY questions about your day; perhaps even asking you to fill out some questionnaires, as sometimes those tiny types of details can fall through the cracks.  We believe that communication is imperative.

A reputable planner starts coordinating the final details of your wedding at least a month or two out.  We have time-lines to create, vendors to contact, coordination of deliveries, confirming of final payments and of course, going over every little detail with a fine toothed comb to ensure nothing has been over looked in your contracts.  We can, and have jumped in when hired two weeks out from the wedding!  However, the more time you allow us to be involved, the better.

Speaking of time; your planner should also be creating a detailed itinerary for you, your wedding party, and all your vendors; and this too takes time.  Scheduling all the vendors, letting everyone know where to be and at what time; those important contact names, cell numbers and emergency backup contacts … these things can’t be gathered on the “Day- Of.”  It all takes work, organizational skills and preparation on our part.

Trust us, you don’t want a planner who says they’re just going to show up on your wedding day and “run everything”; making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing, when they are supposed to be doing it.  By then it will be too late and much more difficult to fix any problems.  Your planner is supposed to ensure that everyone is completing your vision.  So know up front: we spend at least 50+ hours to ‘simply’ “Day- Of” coordinate, so while you may want to lean towards the lowest price planner you can find, a ridiculously low price quote would tell me this planner is not going to do all she should be doing.  This applies to all wedding vendors; we believe you get what you pay for.  You do not want to take a risk on this special day.

You can ask ANY of our past clients and they will all agree that if you are getting married you NEED a wedding planner; or should we say you need us!

If you would like more information on our Day-of Coordination packages, please contact Mrs. Hancock at 602.234.1200, Melinda Wagner at 480.620.6470 or Kelley Hurley at 602.614.4669 or e-mail us at weddings@mrshancocks.com

Why use a Wedding Planner, you ask?

As we enter “Wedding Season”, there is so much to consider for the bride and groom as they begin the planning process.  Weddings are intricate and detailed and growing more so all the time.   Where to begin?  What is the first thing the couple should do?  One major question is, “are we going to hire a planner/coordinator”?  Certainly opinions on the topic are as varied as the planners that are out there.   Some guidance in this area is wise; lots of your questions can be answered in the following article.

 At every major event in life professionals are present! A doctor delivers a baby, clergy persons baptize and confirm children, city and school officials preside at graduation, directors take charge of movies and stage productions and licensed persons perform marriages and bury the dead. In each of these events rituals are involved. There is a system for each, carried out by someone trained to do so.

With the high cost of weddings and the time involved to pull all the facets together, it is all but impossible for the bride to do this while keeping her daily routine (which is already in overload) intact. Listen to some of the comments made by brides who did not have a wedding coordinator.

• “By the day of my wedding I was so overwhelmed by all the things I had to do I was like a zombie. I hardly remember repeating my vows and I never did get anything to eat.”
• “There were so many mistakes in my wedding that could have been avoided had I hired a wedding coordinator. I never gave a thought to coordinating the arrival of the vendors, so the cake was delivered before the linens and flowers. After the linens arrived, the cake table was set up and the cake had to be moved a second time. One pillar tilted, so I had a lop-sided cake. We were shorted one bouquet and no one realized it until it was too late for the florist to deliver it. Everyone was running around screaming–or so it seemed–blaming each other. I just stood there crying. All of this could have been avoided had I hired a professional coordinator.”
• A coordinator schedules the arrival of vendors–Example: The linens would arrive at 10:00 o’clock, the flowers at 10:30 and the cake at 11:00. Thus the cake table would be set up and decorated before the cake arrived. She would have checked the number of bouquets against the number ordered before the florist left. In a real emergency, she could simply pluck a few flowers from floral arrangements and, using tools from her emergency kit, make a bouquet.
• “I forgot my garter. I had really looked forward to having Dan toss it to his best man, hoping that catching the bouquet would cause him to propose to my best friend, Cindy, who was my maid-of-honor. Imagine her disappointment and my embarrassment.”
• A coordinator always has a spare garter in her emergency kit.
• “We forgot the Guest Registry Book so we have no record of those who shared our beautiful day. How sad, especially so since it was the last time my grandmother signed her name. She died the next week.”

A professional coordinator has a checklist, which she uses to be sure everything arrives and is set up. Some even carry an extra Registry Book. By now you get the picture. A coordinator is trained to plan and coordinate every minute detail and oversee all of it!

Are coordinators expensive? Some brides feel a coordinator is too expensive. Compared to what? The gown? The reception? The band? Overall, the money spent for a coordinator is a small percentage of the wedding budget, which is where the coordinator begins before she offers any suggestions. Many times she can actually save you money because she knows the “going” price. Frequently she can negotiate prices. The following is a true story–a telephone conversation I overheard while in the office of a Wedding Planner:

CWS: “No, my client will not pay $2.50 per head for that hors d’oeuvre.” Hotel: “That family has ‘old’ money. They can afford it.” CWS: “That’s not the point. The fact is your hors d’oeuvres are not worth $2.50 each.”

The coordinator got the hors d’oeuvres for $1.50 each, saving her client $450.00 on that particular hors d’oeuvres.

.At another wedding, the coordinator was able to negotiate the price of a golf game for the men in the wedding party by pointing out to the reception facility manager that the bride was having the rehearsal, the wedding and the reception at the one facility. When her request for a lower price for golf was denied, she turned to the bride’s mother and said, “Perhaps you should consider having the rehearsal dinner at another site since it’s obvious your business is not appreciated.” A consultation between members of the hotel staff brought the price of the golf game down quite a bit.

Because a wedding coordinator brings repeat business to a facility, she often has negotiating power not available to an individual scheduling a one-time event.

Do wedding coordinators get a “kick-back” from vendors? Although many vendors do offer coordinators a percentage for any wedding they book with them, a professional coordinator will not take it. Instead, she will reply to the vendor, “That is so nice of you but I am paid by my client. Would you agree to offer my bride a discount?” Thus the professional coordinator is working every way she can to save her client money.

As important as it is to save money, the major advantage of hiring a coordinator is the time she saves you. She does the legwork for you, always working within your parameter. She does not dictate to you, but she does offer you options. The pressure of contacting the church, the reception site, the caterer, the florist, the musicians, the photographer, the videographer, the soloist, your attendants, his family, your family, the hair stylist, writing thank-you notes, etc. is overwhelming. Add to that the big day itself, and the thousand and one last minute details that take place then and you begin to realize what a task it is to plan a wedding.

Doris Nixon is the President of Weddings Beautiful, an association dedicated to furthering the education of wedding consultants.